Missed Going to Disneyland
My son is currently a member of his school’s band, where he plays the alto saxophone. I am biased as his parent, but he is quite skilled and performs in the advanced group. Each Spring, the band performs at Disneyland as part of a school program, and this year for the first time my son was able to participate. To help cover his travel expenses, he participated in a cookie dough sale fundraiser. Many members of our Sangha kindly supported this effort, and my son was thrilled to have raised the most of anyone in the band.
Before the trip, my son was bursting with excitement. He packed his suitcase to the brim and asked his mother to buy his favorite Japanese snacks to share with his close friends. His anticipation was clear in every detail of his preparations. But three days before departure, he fell ill. On the day of the trip, his fever and cough had not subsided and he had no choice but to miss it. Seeing him quietly cry alone in bed, after looking forward to the journey for so long, was truly heartbreaking for us as parents. On top of that, knowing that he could not participate in the trip despite the generous donations from our Temple members that had helped fund the trip, made us feel deeply sorry.
Since the pandemic, my son’s personality changed significantly. He used to be outgoing and loved running and playing with his friends, but the long period of staying at home seemed to make him withdrawn. Even after school returned to normal, he rarely spoke with friends and often ate lunch alone. At Dharma School, he no longer ran around the Temple grounds with his Dharma friends as he once had. My wife and I were deeply concerned about this change. However, through school band activities and taiko practice at the Temple, he gradually began reconnecting with friends and becoming much brighter. When we finally saw him smiling again both at school and at Dharma School, we felt a profound sense of relief. That is why missing this trip was so heartbreaking for him.
The night before the trip, I saw my wife quietly reciting the Nembutsu in front of the Obutsudan, the family altar. When I asked her what was happening, she replied, “I was asking Amida Buddha and your late mother as well to please let our son recover and be able to go on the trip.” I instinctively said, “Nembutsu isn’t meant for making wishes. And my mom doesn’t have that kind of power, so if you ask her for this, she would be troubled.” But as I reflected on my wife’s deep, motherly concern for our son, I realized it was only natural that her Nembutsu would also carry her heartfelt wish.
As a Jodo Shinshu minister, I have always told our Sangha that the Nembutsu is an expression of gratitude for Amida Buddha’s Primal Vow. We don’t use it as a way to express our personal wishes. Yet even though my wife fully understood this, her deep concern for our son instinctively led her to include her deeply personal wish in her Nembutsu. Her words reflected the heartfelt desire of a parent who was also clinging to Amida Buddha, like grasping at a straw.
Nembutsu of Other-Power
There was a similar episode in Shinran’s life. When he was 42 years old, he witnessed widespread famine that caused many agonizing deaths. He initially resolved to chant the Three Pure Land Sutras (the Larger Sutra, the Contemplation Sutra and the Amida Sutra) a thousand times as a vow to save as many people as possible. However, no matter how much he pitied and sympathized with these suffering people, the fact remained that his chanting could not save them from famine. Once he fully realized this fact, he immediately stepped away from the practice and instead began a deep reflection of his own delusion.
Shinran looked deeply into himself and realized that he still held the mistaken belief that he could use the merit of sutra recitation and the Nembutsu to quell natural disasters, cure disease, and save people from harm. In Jodo Shinshu, such a delusion is called self-power calculation. When he began chanting the Three Pure Land Sutras, he was no longer a Nembutsu follower relying on Other Power (Amida Buddha), but had instead become one who depended on his own practices, such as incantations and prayers. This experience must have been a profound awakening for Shinran, impressing upon him just how difficult it is to let go of self-power calculation.
The Nembutsu is the very embodiment of Amida Buddha’s Primal Vow – the precious calling directed to us by Amida Buddha, who promised to unfailingly guide all beings to enlightenment. When each of us responds by reciting Namo Amida Butsu, it is clearly the Nembutsu of gratitude for that boundless compassion. The Three Pure Land Sutras are what reveal in detail the Nembutsu and Amida Buddha’s supreme vow.
Even though it was out of concern for our child, seeing my wife place her own wishes in the precious Nembutsu, almost like performing a prayer, gave me a renewed opportunity to reflect deeply on the teaching of the Nembutsu of Other-Power.
Disneyland Next Year
Unfortunately, our son was unable to join this year’s trip. However, his friends, thinking of him, pooled their allowances to buy him souvenirs at Disneyland. They even went out of their way to deliver them to our home. Their kind gesture gave our son great encouragement and helped him regain his spirits. Seeing him rejoice at their thoughtfulness and express his gratitude to them, my wife and I were deeply moved and uplifted by his growth and bright smile.
Next year, the band’s performance at Disneyland is scheduled again. That will be our son’s first and last band trip. We believe he will again approach it with a heart full of joy, having been supported by the kindness of others throughout this year’s experiences. Should there be a fundraising activity like last year, we would be most grateful for your continued support.
In Gassho,
Rev. Yushi Mukojima